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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Only Constant is Change

Are you still there?  Sorry for skipping out on you.  Sometimes I just don't know where to begin.

First of all, status of the coach.  Well, winter is upon us so it's time to move to the south or to storage for awhile.  My vote is storage.  Yes, it is possible to live through the winter in a coach, but it's not the kind of adventure that I was looking for. So, I've been researching options for the next several months of the year.

Next, status of "career change".  I haven't been talking much about how I will support myself in this life, but it has been heavy on my mind.  Opportunities arise daily, and I am evaluating how they fit into the second half of my life. Reviewing the options, and picking up odd jobs when they arise has also cut into this blogging time of mine.

Finally, I've been letting go of my obsession to build a relationship with a man that never had any intention or desire to do so with me.  I'm struggling with the emotions of this process, and I don't want to admit or share it with you, but you all have experienced the same type of grief at one time or another, so why not?  I want so much to show you that I am strong, and sensible -- but in this case, not either. 

I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm disappointed.  And I did it all to myself.  Every human is capable of love, not all are willing.  I'm so sad that it has crippled me at times.  It's made me cry uncontrollably. It's made me scream from the mountaintop, pound my fists, and  . . . chop wood.  And, after all that, fully exhausted from all my emotional upheaval, I've gently rocked and sobbed until sleep finally comes.

Oh gosh, enough of that.  Now it's time to move forward.  I am surrounded by friends and family that love me.  I am in the mountains, where my spirit is calmed and renewed daily.  I have so many decisions to make about the sea of opportunities before me.  I will not only survive, I am thriving as we speak.

I'm signing off from this blog for now.  I don't need to carry you along on my daily rollercoaster of emotions, or the petty details involved in decisions about living arrangements and income choices. When all that settles down, I'll be back.  I'll keep you updated as I know.

Signining off, affectionately, ME

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Brrrrrrrr. . .. . ...

I just glanced at my profile picture and find it hard to believe that Phoenix is really as warm as it is ---- all the time!

We had our first snow showers last night, and the lightest of snowflakes fell out of a sunny sky this morning. 

I have been toying with winterizing the coach since Sunday, and still am considering options for keeping the water pipes from freezing and deciding between heating options for the winter.  I had a long conversation with my friend in the Park office, and afterwards concluded that I'll be heading south or in permanent quarters for the winter months.

It was never part of the plan to live through a cold winter in this cozy place, and considering it has put me face to face with how far my adventurous spirit will take me.  Even I have limits.

There are already options on the drawing board.  What others should I consider? -- Any suggestions?

Monday, November 8, 2010

Overcast


It's not the weather, I always look like this.
 The last of the sunny blue sky is fading into the east, and the grey cast of impending snow showers is upon the park.  Deer are gallivanting through the grassy meadows surrounding our tin-dominiums, they are so at home here with us two-legged creatures.

It's four in the afternoon and it's looking particularly dark overhead.  I have to remind myself that darkness will fall an hour earlier tonight. Yesterday I arrived at church halfway through the first service, thinking I was only a few minutes late for the second service, until I was reminded of the time change on to Daylight Savings Time --- or off of it. They don't change the time where I come from so I'm not sure which is the case.

Whatever benefit this human-inspired-time-control offers to our race surely doesn't take into account the emotional lows produced by a 4pm sunset on a cloudy day. They don't have these where I come from either.

Don't get excited, I'm not claiming depression of any sort.  I'm simply observing how my moods and the cat's are affected in our new "daylight" experience.  She has been in deep napping mode all day long --- paws tucked into her head, and head buried as far into her belly as possible.  Her incessant cries to go out and explore have been silenced, and she is content to hibernate inside today. Maybe the bears have the right idea, though this is as close to a cave as I'll get for the winter months! (Do I hear a sigh of relief from some of you?!?!?)

Mostly my mind is blank today -- taking in the stillness of the sky.  It's calming to me.  Like God has pulled a blanket over the sky, and is bidding us to rest.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Winterizing here we come!

Ok, time for a new project.  Winterizing begins tomorrow. 

I've decided to hang out here in Southwest Colorado until Christmas which gives me time to experience a taste of winter in the coach. 

So far we've had a few hard frosts, but the days have been sunny and well into the 60's and 70's --- ahhh, that Colorado weather is spectacular, isn't it?!

I doubt that it will change much in the next 7-8 weeks, but I want to be prepared.  I'll need skirting, and plastic covering for the windows, and insulation for the fan vents.  AND, I'm going to attempt to install a programmable thermostat also. 

That thermostat did not make the list of essentials that the RV Park Office staff offered to me.  It is driven by my love of reading and writing in the early mornings.  At 5 each day I'm ready to get up, but have hesitated to get out of my delightfully comfy and warm bedroom by the cold morning air lately. 

My strategy of jumping out of bed, hoping a few steps, reaching to adjust the thermostat, and jumping back into bed has not been comforting to Cat. She assumes that all that activity means that she'd only waste time and effort to re-settle herself into the down comforter. (It's her favorite time of the day too, and since I'm up, the saucer of cream will be on the floor for her shortly!)

So, I'll attempt this programmable thermostat installation, an over-the-top addition to the coach. We'll see how it pans out. 

I know you're all probably wondering what is coming next --- well, so am I!  :)  These next weeks will test me to know if I'm tough enough for winter here, or if I'll be heading down to the southern states to flee the cold. One day at a time will tell.  Isn't that the way life is?!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Simple Comforts

I'm craving a road trip today.  The coach has been sitting in one place too long, especially for a vehicle with wheels instead of legs. But none of my trip options are quite making sense yet, so I'll practice cherishing the simple comforts of day instead.

I took a long walk through town today --- over the river and through the neighborhoods.  (Hey, where did all the deer go?  Not one to be found today.)  On nearly every block I passed a house where I had visited a friend at one time or another, who I had worked with, or met to share a great meal, or together celebrated a special celebration, or just appreciated some good company every now and then.

So much of who I am is wrapped up in those memories.  Years of relationships, parenting, working, and relocating have buried that pure spirit.  Over 25 years later I am on a quest to revive her.  No wonder I am in this place now.  No wonder I find comfort in the sounds of the river and the blue sky over the snow crested peaks surrounding the familiar streets.  This is home to me. The greatest of simple comforts.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Flower Power

These little critters are like flies at a picnic. They are everywhere!

A passerby directed me as I shot this photo, "Hey, there's six more over here, and there's 2 more over there."  I'm sure I looked no different that an Asian tourist at Disneyland to her.

Just like the deer, the hungry people come to the Soup Kitchen where I've been helping out. My responsibilities have included cleaning and organizing the pantry, assisting with food pick-ups, and general good will towards volunteers and "clients". 

 
On one of the food pick-ups the store florist offered  old flowers to us.  Without hesitation, we scooped them up, and stopped at a Rehabilitation Center before returning to the Kitchen. Just like the deer, and just like meal time at the Soup Kitchen, "clients" were everywhere.  Joy and tears flowed as we distributed the bouquets.

Obviously there are better places for those flowers that the trash can.

Today I have more flowers, and a recruitment plan for help to continue the distribution process. I hope to have the power of flowers take on the characteristics of those deer --- prevalent everywhere!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A Brand New Day

Henry is returning from San Francisco this morning.

Even without my company I know that he enjoyed the trip.

We said our final goodbyes before he left. 

Five years. . .done.

It's a brand new day for both of us.

More to come. . . .