Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Only Constant is Change

Are you still there?  Sorry for skipping out on you.  Sometimes I just don't know where to begin.

First of all, status of the coach.  Well, winter is upon us so it's time to move to the south or to storage for awhile.  My vote is storage.  Yes, it is possible to live through the winter in a coach, but it's not the kind of adventure that I was looking for. So, I've been researching options for the next several months of the year.

Next, status of "career change".  I haven't been talking much about how I will support myself in this life, but it has been heavy on my mind.  Opportunities arise daily, and I am evaluating how they fit into the second half of my life. Reviewing the options, and picking up odd jobs when they arise has also cut into this blogging time of mine.

Finally, I've been letting go of my obsession to build a relationship with a man that never had any intention or desire to do so with me.  I'm struggling with the emotions of this process, and I don't want to admit or share it with you, but you all have experienced the same type of grief at one time or another, so why not?  I want so much to show you that I am strong, and sensible -- but in this case, not either. 

I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm disappointed.  And I did it all to myself.  Every human is capable of love, not all are willing.  I'm so sad that it has crippled me at times.  It's made me cry uncontrollably. It's made me scream from the mountaintop, pound my fists, and  . . . chop wood.  And, after all that, fully exhausted from all my emotional upheaval, I've gently rocked and sobbed until sleep finally comes.

Oh gosh, enough of that.  Now it's time to move forward.  I am surrounded by friends and family that love me.  I am in the mountains, where my spirit is calmed and renewed daily.  I have so many decisions to make about the sea of opportunities before me.  I will not only survive, I am thriving as we speak.

I'm signing off from this blog for now.  I don't need to carry you along on my daily rollercoaster of emotions, or the petty details involved in decisions about living arrangements and income choices. When all that settles down, I'll be back.  I'll keep you updated as I know.

Signining off, affectionately, ME

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